


Even though you're gone, you're still all around

by super_heroine_addict



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Ghosts, Guilt, OMG so much angst, how did I not mean for it to be this angsty?, its literally about death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23242651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_heroine_addict/pseuds/super_heroine_addict
Summary: Post Order-66. After Aayla's death, Bly isn't sure if it's the guilt driving him insane or the pain of loss, but he swears he starts to feel Aayla's ghost follow him around.
Relationships: CC-5052 | Bly/Aayla Secura
Comments: 22
Kudos: 88





	Even though you're gone, you're still all around

**Author's Note:**

> WOW oh my god this was an adventure. I stumbled into Blyla when dipping my toes in the Rexsoka fandom and I am in SO DEEEP. These two have literally shot to OTP status faster than any I've ever know. This is a mix of two ideas I had for them, I really hope you guys like it. I'm sorry if any part of it is choppy or grammatically incorrect, I literally know no one in this fandom so I don't have a beta.

Clones couldn’t use the Force, but they’re connected to it all the same. The Jedi had told them that, assured them they were real, living beings; despite being grown in a tube. Bly had felt the push of the Force against his mind hundreds of times with Aayla on the battlefield, a tether connecting their two minds. He’d been aware of her presence even miles apart, a constant, comforting reminder that she was still alive in the midst of any battle. 

So when he could still feel her presence brush up against him after he’d gunned her down on Felucia, it messed with his head. 

The first time it’d happened he’d lost his footing on a ground assault, two months after Order 66. They’d been on Ryloth attempting to enforce Imperial rule, and he’d been desperately trying not to think of her as he gunned down Syndulla’s rebels, because good soldiers followed orders. As he’d run he’d gotten the familiar instinct of her running behind him, to the point of he almost heard her footfall and even breathing. Shocked, he’d turned his head mid-run, only to lose his balance. He fell back, and as he did the spot he’d been standing burst in an explosion of dirt and debris. He reoriented himself in a matter of seconds, and he scanned the surrounding area. Plenty of white troopers, Rylothian rebels, but no General. No  _ her _ . Tyto saw him lying on the ground and ran over to check he was still alive. Bly tried to shake off the feeling as he was helped to his feet, but even returning to the fight, his focus kept going back to the feeling of his chest piece. He couldn’t get rid of the idea, the phantom sensation, that he’d been pushed.

After that Aayla’s ghost had followed him. Not always, not everywhere, but he felt the pull of their Force bond in his mind often enough that he thought he was going crazy, driven mad by a guilt he couldn’t tell anyone about. She always appeared at the most inopportune times; right when he needed to keep focused, she’d show up to break his concentration. Well, not show up, not really, because for all he could feel her there he could never see her, never hear her speak, and if anything that drove him even more insane. 

Sometimes she would help him, as she had (as he thought she had) on Ryloth, pulling him the right way or pulling him back just long enough to save his life. But other times she would just be. She seemed particularly fond of showing up while Bly was at target practice, and more than once he’d had to stop, to shakily put the gun down as he felt her arms wrap around him, her head press against his shoulder, her lekku restdown the length of his spine. His hand would drop the gun, go to grab hers resting on his abdomen, but of course there was always nothing there. 

She was never there when he was faced with Lord Vader though. Never a trace of her when he was anywhere near any of the leaders of the new Galactic Empire. 

But the worst was when she arrived when he was sleeping, or trying to sleep in his bunk. The weight of her would settle next to him, her arms would wrap around him, and in the lull of sleep Bly was powerless to resist. To think  _ wrong _ . It was all he could do not to hold onto her for dear life and pray she never disappeared again, because of course she would. Lying there, all his defences were down. Lying there, with the feeling of his general, his lover, his  _ Aayla, _ in his arms again, he was so swamped with regret and guilt that he thought he might drown in it and never wake up again. 

He started to anticipate her presence. He looked forward to sanctity of sleep in a way he never had before because it meant he could be with her, unguarded, uninterrupted, and unafraid. One night he’d settled in earlier than his brothers on a cruiser set to return to Coruscant after a mission in the Outer Rim, wishing for her to come when he remembered another night, years ago now, returning from a mission just like this one. 

He’d been lying with Aayla in her bed, spent after a day’s battle and a night’s lovemaking. He laid on his back, one arm tucked behind his head and the other wrapped around her waist, holding her close. Nestled between his arm and chest, with her lekku flowing over his shoulder and practically dangling off the bed, she had traced patterns only she could see across his chest and other arm, trailing her fingers down to his. 

“Do you ever think about what we’ll do when the war is done?” she had asked. 

“Whaddya mean?” he’d replied groggily.

“I mean, when there are no more battles, no more fighting, no more need for an army and generals. What do you think will happen to us then?” 

At that he’d pushed himself up onto his elbow, despite the feel of her fingers tightening on the hand as he pulled it out of her grasp to lift himself.

“You’ll do whatever it is that the Jedi do when there isn’t a war to fight. And I’ll….” he didn’t have an answer. There wasn’t a purpose for a soldier without a war. “I’ll go wherever they send me.” he finally settled on.

“And you’d be okay with that? When we wouldn’t be together anymore?” She rose and twisted her hips to face him, and he was surprised by the level of worry his normally composed Jedi exhibited. He lifted a hand to brush her face, then down her lekku with his knuckles gently.

“What choice would I have? A Jedi can’t have attachments.”

She was silent for a long moment. With one hand on his arm, she pulled him back down until they were both lying on their sides, facing each other, less than a handspan apart.

“What if I wasn’t a Jedi?”

Silence.

“What if after the war I left the Jedi Order, and you left the GAR, and we left Coruscant and found something new, together?” The worry leaked out in her voice, and Bly was stunned to realize it was a fear of rejection from  _ him _ . He lifted a hand to cup her face, forcing her eyes to look straight into his.

“I would follow you anywhere.”

“I don’t want you to follow me. I want you by my side. Not as a Jedi and a Commander. As equals.”

Bly smiled, leaned in to kiss her. “That sounds good to me”

The memory faded as abruptly as it came and Bly sat up in an uneasy sweat. He was utterly alone in the barracks, no other physical or spiritual beings present. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to will the pain away, but the more he tried to forget the more he focused on his guilt.

_ She was going to leave the Jedi Order to be with you and you killed her. _

“No, no, no, NO!” he yelled at the voice in his head. Because he hadn’t wanted to kill her but he’d  _ had  _ to. He’d woken up from the daze to be told the Jedi had turned against the Republic and the Clones were heroes who had saved the galaxy from them. Except he hadn’t felt like a hero; just a killer who murdered the woman he loved and who’d loved him in return. Then the Republic became the Empire and the GAR became the Imperial Army, and the gnawing sense of  _ wrong  _ had settled in his heart next to the guilt he felt over Aayla. 

_ Aayla _

“Aayla.” He called into the empty darkness. “Aayla!”

_ I need you. _

“Please.” he breathed, eyes falling shut. “I was going to leave with you. I want to be with you. Please Aayla, I can’t live without you.”

For a minute, nothing. And then he felt a warm body slide in next to his. He let out a sigh of relief as soft hands rested on his shoulders, pushing him down and back into his bunk. His hands rose in an attempt to hold her, any part of her, as Aayla’s familiar shape settled over him. In that moment he would have given anything to be Force sensitive, because she’d told him about this; how sometimes those connected to the Force could come back after death to communicate to others like them. He wanted to see her, to hear her, to tell her how sorry he was. 

“I love you, Aayla.” he whispered. “I never wanted to hurt you. Tell me how to make it right. Tell me how to get back to you.”

He hadn’t expected an answer. But a soft hum seemed to fill his ears, and in the midst of it he heard of her softly accented voice. “ _ We’ll be together again soon.”  _ she said _. “Trust in the Force.”  _ The promise should have been ominous, but all he felt was relief. He fell asleep, as content as if he was really holding her in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> I love kudos but if you liked any particular thing PLEASE comment, I'm super nervous about publishing this and need validation. I have another story idea I want to write but it's smut so please be patient as I try and write it, when I succeed I'll publish it!


End file.
